Comparing struggles.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Hey, at least I don’t struggle with that?" or, "I wish I struggled with that instead, it would be so much easier to get through."

I have.

I've caught myself thinking these thoughts more often than I’m willing to admit.

A recent one would be, "At least my kind of struggle is the more wholesome kind of struggle."

(lol, I like to imagine what God is thinking as He hears my thoughts🤦‍♀️)

A big part of my life, I’ve always wanted to be someone else. Someone smarter, funnier, more confident, prettier, friendlier, happier, stronger...etc. Even now that I know Jesus I still struggle with this comparison game.

I want to wholeheartedly love God’s story for me but why does someone else’s life just look so much better?

If God loves us all the same, why can’t I get person XYZ’s life instead?

Why must I go through pain, frustration, rejection, sickness in this particular way?

Why can't I just be naturally smarter, prettier, stronger and nicer?

Over the years, I have learned to convince myself of a few ways to look at this,

(if you ever wanted bad advice that appears to be good...go ahead take this.

PLEASE DON'T😂)

1. I don't know her/his story. I don't know anyone's story the way I know mine. How would I know that her/his struggles are truly 'better' than mine? Maybe they do struggle more than I see on the surface. If so, then I can accept these struggles, as long as those 'perfect' people do struggle more than they seem to.

2. It could be worse. While there are people with 'better' struggles, at least mine is not the 'worse' kind of struggles. I can accept this, as long as I don't have the 'worse' struggles out of everyone else.

3. I can't change what God's given me anyways. Might as well make the most of what I've got. I can only be the best version of myself. I can accept that I have these struggles, as long as I actually do attain the best version of me.

...

I mean those aren't lies right? I could continue to find comfort convincing myself of these three points...right?

There's nothing necessarily untrue about any of the statements above, but I realised that the core of the issue is not identified.

Ultimately, when I start to compare struggles and generate all of these thoughts, what are they really rooted on? I can't deny that underneath all this comparing...are these assumptions,

"God your story for me kind of sucks, I know a better story for myself that ends better."

"Hey God, you got this part wrong. I reckon someone else should've gotten these struggles instead."

"Yo God, I wonder if I could write my own story instead? I think I might know what I need more than you."

Maybe a more personal example would help,

"God, why would you give her/him that internship opportunity when she/he doesn't even study 1/10th as hard as I do? I even contacted the employer before anyone else did! I should've gotten that opportunity."

One day, I was in this cycle of reasoning with myself (with points 1, 2, 3) when I finally realised...wait.

Underneath this frustration, am I not literally declaring that my thoughts are better than God's. That my way is better than God’s way?

Here's how I see it.

God is all powerful right? He is the God of all possibilities AND the God of all impossibilities.

I meaaaan, God parted the red seas man (Exodus 14:21-23) and He raised the dead to life (John 11:43-44) and much more.

Which means God can absolutely give me everything I want (and everything you want).

He can give me the grades I want, the job I want, the body I want, the personality I want, the life I want, the friends I want, everything.

But He doesn't.

Why?

Because...Isaiah 55:8-9;

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

What am I doing as I complain, get frustrated and upset at the struggles I wish I didn't have?

I am standing in the face of the God who created me (and every single atom within me), and declaring that I do not like His plan.

I am telling an infinite and powerful being who created the entire universe and every planet within it and questioning His lack of ability to give me a better life 🤦‍♀️

Could I create an entire universe with my words alone?

Can I see into the future and the past without time as a barrier?

Am I the creator of good and the infinite source of all good, love and hope?

I can't even walk on water.

Struggles with broken relationships, struggles with pride, struggles with pornography, struggles with boundaries, struggles with failing uni, struggles with unemployment, struggles with lying, struggles with same sex attraction, struggles with insecurity, struggles with dating a non-Christian, struggles with body image, struggles with depression...

(man, struggle is starting to sound weird the more I say it in my head, struggle struggle struggle 🤪)

I can't deny that I often react more critically at some of the mentioned struggles more than others. Especially the ones I do not struggle with.

It occurred to me one day that God doesn't see my struggles as much holier or less holier than person XYZ's struggles🤯

I believe in a God who sees our hearts amidst the struggles, i.e. am I giving up on the struggle against sin or am I fighting hard against the choice I have to sin and surrendering it to God?

I felt reminded that more than what my specific struggle is, God cares more about my responses to these challenges.

Do I allow these challenges to create a barrier between me and God? Or do I shift my focus off what I'm struggling with and Trust in the God who gave me this struggle?

I've definitely lived like someone else's struggles are waaaay less holy than mine, but it's time to surrender this particular struggle to God.

We struggle with different struggles because God created us to be different people. No struggle is better or worse than another, but it's simply just different... unique... special.

God uses all our struggles.

Mine is not better than others.

Mine is not worse than others.

Mine is simply different.

If I had committed to live by the 3 tips above, I would've simply been ignoring the value behind my struggles and would continue to miss out on what God is really teaching me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly enjoy my struggles. But my struggle is part of God's story for me. It shapes who I am. God uses them to point me towards who He created me to be.

If God promises to work all things for His good purposes, I choose to believe in His promises more than my personal observation of how messed up life is (Romans 8:28).

Another danger in comparing my struggles is that I'm taking my attention off what God is doing in, through, and for me, and instead, focusing on what God is doing in, through and for some one else.

You know what I should really be comparing my struggles with? Who I am today compared to who I was before I knew Jesus. Who I am today compared to who I was when I first started to commit my life to Jesus.

I want to always remember that my value as a child of God is not affected by the kind of struggle I have. My worth has been set and it's unchangeable. If God says my struggles do not define me, then I don't believe anyone else's struggles should define them.

I pray I will slowly surrender this toxic game of comparing my struggles and just fully embrace the struggle God has ordained in my life.

I pray I will surrender all the thoughts and actions that seem to declare that my way is higher than His.

I pray that especially when I'm struggling, people will be able to see that my life is not perfect, but I can still be filled with joy and hope because I know that God is good and He is using all this as part of His good purposes to save the world.

I pray that you and I will experience the power of God's love and grace through our struggles.

God has a different story for me. It's different.

It's not better or worse than yours or hers or his.

I pray we will live like we 100% believe that this is the best story there ever could be for us.